Murder In The Chip Shop 

Last night there was a murder in the chip shop

A wee dog stole a haddy bone
A big dog tried tae tak it aff him
So ah hit it wi a tattie scone.

Ah went round tae see ma Auntie Sarah
But ma Auntie Sarah wisnae in
So ah peeked through a hole in the windae
And ah shouted  "Auntie Sarah, are ye in?"

Her false teeth were lyin on the table
Her curly wig wis lying on the bed
And ah laughed an ah laughed till ma heid fell aff
When ah saw her screwing aff her wudden leg.

A favourite fun song. A 'haddy' is a haddock, a kind of fish. 'Peeked' is peeped,  'wudden' is wooden of course.

11 Wha Saw The 42nd

Wha Saw The 42nd?

Wha saw the 42nd, wha saw them gaun awa

Wha saw the 42nd merchin doon the Broomielaw
Some o them had boots an stockins
Some o them had nane at aa
Some o them had tattie scones
For tae keep the cauld awa.

Wha saw the 42nd, wha saw them gaun awa
Wha saw the 42nd merchin doon the Broomielaw
Some o them had tartan toories
Some o them had nane at aa
Some o them had green umbrellas
For tae keep the rain awa.

This song is about soldiers of the 42nd Highland Regiment, The Black Watch, marching along the Broomielaw which runs alongside the River Clyde in Glasgow. They are going to board a ship to travel abroad, maybe to fight in a war, but the song makes fun of how they are dressed. In Perth the song marched them down the Thimbleraw.

Many people remember another 

 verse that makes fun of the classes of Scottish city children who used to be sent to rural farming areas to lift the potatoes (tatties).

吀爀愀挀欀 ㈀㈀
(唀渀欀渀漀眀渀 愀氀戀甀洀 ⠀ 㔀开㄀㄀开㈀ ㄀  ㄀ 开㔀)

Fitba Crazy

You aa know ma wee brither, his name is Jock McGraw,

He’s lately jined a fitba club, for he’s mad aboot fitba.

He has two black eyes already, and teeth lost frae his gub,

Since Jock became a member o that terrible fitba club.


For he’s fitba crazy, he’s fitba mad,

The fitba it has robbed him o the little bit o sense he had,

It would take a dozen skivvies, his claes tae wash and scrub,

Since Jock became a member o that terrible fitba club.

The first game he took part in, I was there masel and saw,

There were jaickets for the goalposts and a tin can for the ba.

The Prince of Wales was there himsel, in his dinner suit,

Jock he passed the ball across, and shouted, “CHARLIE, SHOOT!”

His wife she says she’ll leave him, if Jock he doesn’t keep

Away from fitba kickin, at night time in his sleep.

He calls her Charlie Tully, and other names so droll,

Last night he kicked her out of bed and swore it was a GOAL!

In the middle of the field at Hampden, the captain said,’McGraw,

‘Will you kindly take this penalty or we’ll never win at aa.’

Jock took three steps backwards, and shot off from the mark.

The ball went sailin over the bar and landed in NEW YORK!

The song is performed by Ewan McVicar. Your ‘gub’ is your mouth. ‘Skivvies’ are young girls who work in a house and do the worst jobs.

This song reminds us that football can be dangerous as well as fun. It is sung by adults as well as children. Some people say that it began as an Irish song, which was brought over to Scotland and then the words were changed.

Bananas Are The Best
Ewan McVicar (Scottish Songs For Younger Children)

Bananas Are The Best

Banana, banana, bananas are the best

A nice squishy middle in a big yella vest

Today or manyana, ah'll be sayin ‘Can ah,

Can ah have a ba-na-na?

What am ah goin to have for ma tea? Banana!

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday? Banana!

What's ma Sunday dinner goin to be? Banana!

Can ah have a ba-na-na?

You can slide down a tree on the skin - banana!

Wear it on your head for a hat - banana!

Try and use a cokey-nut for that - banana!

Can ah have a ba-na-na?

Fifty million monkeys can't be wrong - 


From totie wans tae Old King Kong - banana!

They all love to sing this song - banana!

'Can ah have a ba-na-na?'

It's perfect with ice cream - banana!

It's a banana dream - banana!

We're all going to SCREAM - banana!

Can ah have a ba-na-na?

This song is a big favourite with young people, who like to shout now and then.

The words of the song happened in a very surprising way.

In about 1964 Ewan McVicar was working in Nairobi, Kenya, and he heard a Swahili pop song that had this tune. 

Some of the words were:

Si ni lala, ne wapi banana? (When I am sleeping, where are bananas?)

Kula na banana. (Eat bananas)

Then 20 years later, Ewan remembered the Swahili pop song. And turned it into a Glesga (Glasgow) song. 'Manãna' is a Spanish word that means 'tomorrow'.